My Top Books for Psychological, EMOTIONAL, & Spiritual Growth

Client’s often ask me for book recommendations to support their inner work so I’ve finally made a list of my favorite books for emotional, psychological and spiritual growth. Even just reading one of these books can change your life!

There’s a wide range here from psycho-education to spiritual guidance, from poetry to personal memoirs, and from relationship wisdom to instruction on how to grow into one’s healthy, empowered maturity. These are great for both beginners starting their personal growth and for the seasoned travelers looking to deepen their journey of becoming. Enjoy!

HOW TO BE AN ADULT: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration by David Richo

This is the #1 book I recommend to clients looking to deepen their personal growth and healing. I personally re-read it almost every year and still get so much out of it. If you are serious about finding the kind of power, peace and freedom that is a result of taking responsibility for your life, this is your book. It’s slender but jam-packed with useful instructions on how to rise into your healthy maturity and upgrade your relationships out of codependency into interdependency. From the publisher: this book is “filled with checklists, diagrams, and literary quotations for meditation, making this a book to read and digest a little at a time for best results. How to Be an Adult will guide readers on their positive journey from fear, through power, to love.”

Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship by Terry Real

Terry Real is one of my favorite voices on relationships these days. His work is clear, practical, direct and helpful in transforming dysfunctional relationships into healthy ones.

At a time when toxic individualism is rending our society at every level, bestselling author and renowned marriage counselor Terrence Real sees how it poisons intimate relationships in his therapy practice, where he works with couples on the brink of disaster. The good news: Warmer, closer, more passionate relationships are possible if you have the right tools.

In his transformative book Us, Real brilliantly observes how our winner-takes-all culture infiltrates families with devastating results: repetitive fights that go nowhere, or a distant relationship in which partners end up living “alone together.” With deft insight, humor, and charm, Real guides you to transform your relationship into one that’s based on compassion, collaboration, and closeness.

Fierce Intimacy: Standing Up to One Another With Love by Terry Real (Audio Training Program)

Another Terry Real treasure worth listening to, his short audio training program can be found on various streaming services. This is a succinct, clearly organized map of how we relate to one another, the common pitfalls into shame or grandiosity, how to have healthy boundaries, and how to skillfully stay connected through conflict. It’s quickly become a favorite to recommend to clients!

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

This is a profound, life-altering masterpiece born out of the darkest corners of human history. Drawing from his grueling survival in Nazi concentration camps, Frankl reveals a powerful truth: we cannot always control our circumstances, but we always control our attitude. Reading this insight from his perspective is sobering and galvanizing.

Moreover, he introduces a life-affirming philosophy built on the belief that our deepest human drive is the quest for purpose. Whether you are navigating a major life transition, searching for clarity, or trying to find light in a difficult season, Frankl’s timeless wisdom offers an unforgettable roadmap for turning suffering into triumph and finding deep meaning in our everyday lives.

The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts

This book completely changed my life when I first read it in high school. I have since reread it many times to help me remain clear-sighted about the Self and my place in the world. This book is a mind-bending exploration of identity that challenges the ultimate illusion: the myth of the isolated self. Watts, in my opinion, is a brilliant philosopher who bridged Eastern wisdom with Western psychology. He argues that we aren't separate entities dropped into this world - we are a fundamental part of it, flowing out of it just like waves from an ocean, or apples from a tree.

With his signature wit, clarity, and warmth, Watts unravels the anxiety of modern life and reveals how our obsession with individualism cuts us off from true connection. This isn't just a book; it’s an invitation to wake up from the delusion of loneliness, conquer the fear of existence, and realize your deep, cosmic belonging to the universe.

The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have by Mark Nepo

Bite-sized contemplative prose and reflections for each day of the year. A friend gifted me this book 15 years ago and I still pick it up from time to time when I need some help pivoting toward the rich present moment. I love Mark Nepo’s poetic way of making meaning from every day living. Check out his other books as well.

How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo

This invaluable book on healthy, conscious relationships is a close runner up to his original How To Be An Adult. Relationships are some of the richest places of growth, and they are often the source of a lot of conflict, hurt and confusion as well. This work by Richo is such an important handbook on how to level-up the ways we navigate our relationships. If you find yourself struggling in your relationship, or you want to avoid repeating destructive patterns in them, or you simply want to find ways to improve how you meet your partner, this is going to be extremely useful for you. Another top recommendation that I share with friends and clients alike to help them upgrade their relationships out of codependency into healthy, thriving interdependency.

Journey of the Heart: The Path of Conscious Love by John Welwood

For the spiritual practitioners who want to use the material that arises within their relationships as fuel for awakening and healing. This is a recent addition to the list and quickly became a favorite text in my quest to understand and embody conscious love in relationship.
From the author - We can begin to cultivate a new spirit of engagement between the sexes by recognizing and welcoming the powerful opportunity that intimate relationships provide-to awaken to our deeper nature. Yet this also presents a tremendous challenge, for it means undertaking a journey in search of who we really are. Our connection with someone we love is one of the best vehicles for this journey. When we invite love to awaken us to the deeper powers of life, then working with its challenges becomes part of an ongoing adventure. Intimacy becomes a path --an unfolding process of discovery and revelation. And relationship becomes, for the first time, conscious. — John Welwood

The Origins of You: How Breaking Family Patterns Can Liberate the Way We Live and Love by Vienna Pharaon

Understanding why we behave the way we do is the first step on the path of personal growth. Vienna helps us understand the 5 most common origin wounds that become the root of all of our unconscious, destructive, and limiting behaviors in a very accessible and engaging way. Want to better understand they “why’s” of your behavior in relationships and work toward transforming unhealthy patterns into healthier ones? This is an excellent place to start.

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself By Melody Beattie

So many of us suffer from relational dysfunction that stems from codependent patterning. This book is the starting point for anyone wishing to understand what codependency is, how it forms, and how to recover from it. It’s very straightforward and informative, and she maintains compassion and warmth in her voice as she guides us through this terrain. I routinely recommend this one to clients! She is a prolific writer, be sure to check out her other works.

Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

At some point in her journey, every woman needs to take a long walk with this book. I’ve read different chapters at various stages of my life and it always has something new to offer me. I find so much resonance with the stories and archetypes shared in this collection of stories and they help me make sense of my journey and struggles. Curl up in bed on a rainy evening and let her tell you a story. You will undoubtedly relate to these universal myths and her poetic explanations of them and it will help you understand the arc of your life’s journey. My copy is completely worn, fully dogeared and with notes written on almost every page for a reason.

It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People by Dr. Ramani Durvasula

So many of us have struggled with people who have narcissistic traits. My practice is filled with women in particular who have suffered in relationships with narcissistic men. It seems we need more awareness as a collective about narcissistic abuse and how to recover from it. Dr. Ramani is an excellent resource for this topic.

It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissistic person. One day they draw you in with their charm and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-esteem, and leave you wondering, What should I have done differently? As Dr. Ramani explains in It’s Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing.
Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist will not stop manipulating and invalidating you, no matter how much you try to appease them. The first step toward healing from their toxic influence—and to protect yourself from future harm—is to accept that you are not to blame for their behavior.

The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them by David Richo

There are certain facts of life that we cannot change—the unavoidable “givens” of human existence: (1) everything changes and ends, (2) things do not always go according to plan, (3) life is not always fair, (4) pain is a part of life, and (5) people are not loving and loyal all the time. Richo shows us that by dropping our deep-seated resistance to these givens, we can find liberation and discover the true richness that life has to offer.

As always, I appreciate Richo’s sober, compassionate and very practical approach to help us embrace the truths of living and loving.

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

It’s as good as everyone says it is! Better, even. I cried, I laughed, I felt seen and celebrated. It is good, good medicine. I would file this under the category of books that give you permission to be your wild, unreserved, courageous full Self, while making space for you to own and release the feelings you might struggle to name. “Soulful and uproarious, forceful and tender, Untamed is both an intimate memoir and a galvanizing wake-up call. It is the story of how one woman learned that a responsible mother is not one who slowly dies for her children, but one who shows them how to fully live. It is the story of navigating divorce, forming a new blended family, and discovering that the brokenness or wholeness of a family depends not on its structure but on each member’s ability to bring her full self to the table. And it is the story of how each of us can begin to trust ourselves enough to set boundaries, make peace with our bodies, honor our anger and heartbreak, and unleash our truest, wildest instincts so that we become women who can finally look at ourselves and say: There She Is.

Untamed shows us how to be brave. As Glennon insists: The braver we are, the luckier we get.”

CONSOLATIONS: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words by David Whyte

This collection of prose is pure beauty. A perfect companion to keep on the nightstand or accompany you on a trip. I reach for it often to read one of his short essays on a topic that feels alive to me and it always helps me anchor into the beauty of this delicate and wild human journey. “Beginning with ALONE and closing with WORK, each chapter is a meditation on meaning and context, an invitation to shift and broaden our perspectives on the inevitable vicissitudes of life: pain and joy, honesty and anger, confession and vulnerability, the experience of feeling besieged and the desire to run away from it all. Through this lens, procrastination may be a necessary ripening; hiding an act of freedom; and shyness the appropriate confusion and helplessness that accompanies the first stage of revelation.” I also recommend grabbing his second volume which is just as good - Consolations II: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words

Falling in Love with Where You Are: A Year of Prose and Poetry on Radically Opening Up to the Pain and Joy of Life by Jeff Foster

“As we open up to life and love and each other, as we awaken from our dream of separation, we encounter not just the bliss of existence, but its pain, too; not only life’s ecstasy, but also its agony. Healing doesn’t always feel good or comfortable or even “spiritual,” for we are inevitably forced to confront our shadows, fears, and deepest longings—those secret parts of ourselves that we have denied, repressed, or deemed “negative” and unworthy of our love. How can we find the calm in the midst of the storm? How can we rest, even as the ground falls? Falling in Love with Where You Are invites you to discover a deep YES to your life, no matter what you are going through; to see crisis as an opportunity to heal, pain as an intelligent messenger, and your imperfections as perfectly placed.” Jeff Foster is a top favorite these days and I always keep one of his books next to my bathtub to soak with.

Prayers of Honoring Grief by Pixie Lighthorse

Is it possible for a book to save you from drowning? I think so. This book was one of the only things that helped keep my head above water during a very, very difficult time of grief and loss. Lighthorse has a way of transmitting the depth of grief, pain and suffering into words of solace and beauty. Each page is dedicated to a different flavor of grief. It has so much to offer.

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

When I couldn’t afford therapy, I turned to this book. When life gets hard flip through this book. When my friends are struggling and I want them to feel okay, I give them this book. When I want a bit of comfort or I need a reminder of the beauty that is embedded in the mundane, I pick up this book. Get yourself 2 copies, because you will inevitably want to give a copy away to someone you cherish.

I’m often asked for resources geared towards men who want to do “the work.” The next two recommendations are the top books and voices I point folks toward. They both have podcasts and countless interviews online as well.

Men's Work: A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, and Find Freedom By Connor Beaton

In Men’s Work, ManTalks founder Connor Beaton offers the tactical, self-led guide men have been looking for. Here, he destigmatizes inner work by reframing it as a kind of psychological warrior training that many men can relate to and have been craving. Beaton walks you through a framework for facing the hidden and rejected aspects of yourself―factors that lead to self-sabotage, anxiety, and depression.

From the Core: A New Masculine Paradigm for Leading with Love, Living Your Truth, and Healing the World by John Wineland

• Get strong―go beyond building your muscles to strengthening your nervous system, awareness, and ability to conduct energy
• Become masterful in the art of sexual and energetic polarity
• Align with the Sacred Feminine―operate in harmony and trust with the feminine forces within you and in others
• Take responsibility for the life you’ve created, the legacy of manhood, and your personal role in healing our damaged world
• Prioritize depth over comfort―becoming highly attuned to the truth of your heart and the power of your intention
• Use the Eleven Precepts of Conscious Warriorhood as your life’s compass